Eyes on me.
Disclaimer

Hate me, get out of the way.
Love me, stay.
♥This is me.
Hi, im Elaine. im 19 this year. still looking for my santa claus.
i am obsessed with;
harry potter, twilight, and myself.
i absoutely hate;
guys (i'm 100% straight)
So you think you can dance?
Shopping List
i want,
lots of money
a boyfriend
a meaningful career
damn good figure
pretty clothes
Butterfly, fly away
name name name name name name name name name name name name name name name


Talk About Love

♥ you love me .

Memorables
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
December 2010
January 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012

Tyvm.
by: /[R]agdoll-
pictures: one
basecode: sweet_surrender
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May 30, 2009

had shopping these few days with my parents! i feel so bad because my sister is left alone at home eating dumplings and she sound so ke lian, my heart pain. so i promise myself to buy lots lots lots of things for her. hahha. i'm good right? yea, i know. LOL.

i totally looks forward to go back to singapore! i made peiru promise that she won't go to night safari before i go back to sg! hahaha, so we can go together with clara and my bf, kingkong! yay! i promise to explore the whole of sg when i go back....... seriously. in the past, i just spent my day working; studying; mugging; and working again. even my holidays are packed with work, with no time left for friends and family. how i regret that. oh ya, i nearly forgot. peiru has a new english name! J-E-T, JET! nice?

something happen today which reminds me of something of the past. its sad, i really hope whatever's going to happen will not happen. i love them.

had seafood today! its really nice and all but so expensive. i notice i hate writings now; just as i hate reports. zzz. so there. goodbye.

why is ming hui not online?
why is clara ALWAYS appearing offline and won't talk to me? ( i think)
why are we getting further away?
why can't i get a better result?
so much questions, with no answers.

loves;
12:22 AM;

May 27, 2009

i did a stupid thing, something so silly so dumb i wanted to go bang a wall. zzz. oh well, i've learnt my lesson even though i always fall for this kind of stuff. oh mannnnnnn.

aniway, my parents are coming TML!!! lucky me. but i'm worried about my dear sister though, she's gonna b alone at home. i know she'll be damn happy. but then, i scared she'll kena kidnap! hais, i'm such a good sister. lols.

Stephen did my company assessment today. i am super happy with the results can, but he say he feels sinful. LOL. because he gave me too good, far beyond than what i deserve. i think its because i was beside him watching him tick, and he feels pressurized. AHHAHA. good for me.

i feel so empty now; with no specific goal; there's like no meaning in life. maybe i should be just like what ming hui said, a day to get married and be a mother. LOL. i think thats my sister's wish too. hahha. Can i really go to university? i miss my family so much........ my friends......... breadtalk...... notice i didn't say i miss him? yea, because its all over.

loves;
8:21 PM;

May 26, 2009

life lesson learnt: Never ever, and i really mean never ever trust guys no matter how serious they sound or look to you.

Not that i had any bad experience. but seriously, i can't trust any guy in this world except for my dad. lols. at least my dad preach what he say, and never fails to take action once the words are out of his mouth. oh well. still thinking of something to buy for him, but i really have no idea what.......

my parents are coming this thursday; and i'm real happy can. but don't know why, i get a bad feeling, like something bad is happening soon. why? i just hope its another case of my worry too much.

i really wish the 4 months would just fly by, i want to go home ASAP!!!

loves;
5:57 PM;

May 23, 2009

You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges - giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

yea, thats how my heart is like. the description fits perfectly.

have been reading love stories online. some were so touching i cried so much because it really brings back memories. all of those stories were encouraging people to tell their loves how much they love them, and i nearly lost my hold of what i thought i would never ever do. i wrote some emails saved as drafts intending to send to him. but still, its not the right time yet.

anyways...........

i had my nails done today! PINK! i'm starting to love this colour. Manicure and pedicure cost only around $2! so omg right. so you all wana come to vietnam and do? so cheapppp. lols.

and tml i'm going to finish up my report like seriously, been dragging too long. thanks eddie for help me clear up all my zzz bad english.

loves;
11:29 PM;

May 19, 2009

have been spending my weeks writing reports; thinking and writing and thinking and editing. I'm like so brain dead already! I didn't want to think about ANYTHING except to just play game and relax my oh so tired brain.

you'll think only reports is making me crazy. but now, my internship is making me crazy too! been busy with visa application for students and compilation and filing of project files. but actually, i'm only starting the real work now. i'm grateful to my supervisor for giving me this chance when usually they just give interns either nothing to do or just printing other sai kang. busy is good. time pass faster.... i still have around 4 months and 1 week to singapore! it'll fly by... and my parents is coming next week!

they say love is when u strip off the feelings, the passion, the romance, the contact; and you still care for him. yea, but so what? its not always a two way thing, not even friendship. Sometimes though its good to think about the past, about who is with me when i'm down, about who i encourage when they're down, about the crazy stuffs we use to do, about how i always put him above everything. Now... so much has changed. they say the ones who stay by your side never leaving you are the ones who's true to you. but how many are there left true to me? i don't wish for many. i just hope the ones that i'm true to will be true to me. i just hope whoever i care for would reciprocate, thats not too hard is it?

thinking whether or not i want to dye my hair instead of highlighting. lols. any suggestions? oh nevermind, i'll just stick to highlight.

loves;
11:38 PM;

May 17, 2009

just a casual mentioning of my name in your blog makes me real touched. thanks clara, for letting me know that i'm still remembered. i miss you so much, it just makes me cry thinking of those memories.

i love my family more and more.

it just proves that people who really care, they remember.
and to people who don't care, i'm telling myself to take it easy. its normal isn't it?

why is it that the close ones just won't bother?
i won't mention names. it really hurts when i think of what you said.

i love my dad; mum; sis and
clara :) , others which i didn't mention.

to friends who encourage me: a million thanks


loves;
10:48 PM;

May 13, 2009

murmuring a silent goodbye; this time i learn how to let go.

proud that i learn to curb my feeings this time round, proud that i can control my tears, so proud of you elaine!

smile and the whole world smiles with me :)
will all of you smile? LOL.

keep it up!

i miss my family and friends.
not even your best friend can stay by you forever, but you always have your family to back on.
I'm glad i'm born in such a happy family, i'm glad i am the way i am.
I'm glad i'm buddhist, and i'm glad to have learn the buddha's teachings.

happy the way i am right now? Yes.

loves;
11:57 PM;

May 12, 2009

Now sitting in the office with nothing to do and singing "Romeo and Juliet" to myself. Lol. I miss singing, miss the sound of my own voice. Hahah. I think my voice is becoming "uglier", thanks to the large amount of caffaine i have absorb from the heavenly coffee. Anyway, was rushing for my reports yesterday. I really wanted to make it perfect, and if possible HOPEFULLY a B+ would be enough for me. But.... I don't know, i just don't think my report is good enough. I really must JIAYOU JIAYOU!

I think i'll spend alot of money this week. Just went to the Mango shop in HCM yesterday, and i already spent US$128 on my mastercard for 2 shirt, 1 pants and i think 1 dress. I really think the Mango is cheaper here than in Singapore. And Loan introduce me to her cousin's shop near her house, i'm so tempted to buy!! Somebody please remind me that my salary here is only $200...... I will wear all my new clothes when i go back to singapore. HAHA.

I hope time will really fly by, so i can faster go back to Singapore. And i'm already looking towards to New Year's day so that i can go back malaysia and meet all my dear cousins! I only get to meet them once per year, when my friends had their cousins in singapore and could meet up whenever they want to. No fair!

Notes to self: ez-link card, reports

loves;
10:38 AM;

May 10, 2009

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY!!! Especially to my mum! I soooo miss my family man...

Anyway, will not be online or blogging as often due to the super heavy workload thats starting to pile up on me. Reports; work... Oh well, its basically just reports. I just spend around 3 hours doing my cover page and content page! Can you imagine?! And now i'm stuck with the content. I seriously don't know what to write and how to continue... Somebody save me please!

I hate webcam. I hate msn. I hate laptop. I still prefer communicating in person; and maybe through phone. Nowadays, my eyes just wana close whenever i see my laptop screen, makes me damn sleepy. Being stuck in the aircon room whole day makes my skin dry and scaly, its uglyyy!

I wanted to go out and have a walk, but i'm lazy. Wanted to do my report, but lazy too. Wanted to change a new blogskin, even lazier. All i can do is sleep when i'm not working. Initially, the time seems to pass super slowly. But with the reports now, the time pass too fast. Zzz. Is that the main purpose of the reports?

And alot of my friends ask me about the weather in HCM. I know sg is damn hot right now. But i regret to say that my days are all spent in aircon room. So i have no idea whats the weather outside actually. Haha.

I think there's something wrong with my stomach too. It hurts everytime, i wonder if there's a worm inside.

i still care too much

loves;
4:43 PM;

May 8, 2009

I had a veryyyy fruitful day at work today! The first day that i think i'm really working. Haha. Early in the morning, went to the construction site for a "walk". LOL. Walk for 3hrs there, can you imagine? And the weather is damn hot! But anyway, i did get a new experience. The site was full of soil, wires, and just any other construction site, its muddy. I never thought that i would be able to step inside any of them in Singapore. After i get back to the office, I went around to typing again. Now i know how office job can be so tiring!

Had a nice chat with Andrew yesterday. Heard some good news from his side, so happy for him can, i really hope he can move on now. Be the person he wants to be. Sometimes, i really wonder what i can do when i graduate, considering the global economic situation right now, i think its gonna be real hard to get a job. And i'm afraid that with my results, its hard to enrol into the University that i wanted. What can i do? I won't work in BT with a diploma either, so wasted. Oh well.

Anyway, after work, went with Nghia; Man and Nghia's father for dinner. My treat! Haha, because Man especially sew a dress for me. She said i wear it like a doll! I think i look like a FAT doll rather, LOL. I'll wear it when my diet plan is successful. I eat so much recently, because Hong keep treating me to breakfast, and worse is she won't let me pay her or treat her back! I'm gonna come back to HCM after i go back to Singapore, because Nghia and Man's wedding date is set on the 15th of Oct! I reallyyyy want to attend their wedding laaaaa. And just nice school hasn't started! Please please please....

love is an essential nourishment for all; can i be nourish too?

loves;
8:36 PM;

May 7, 2009

Congrats me people, there were no ants in my bathroom today, just a dead centipede which is the length of my middle finger and a spider which looks damn juicy! AWWW MAN. No choice right, i still have to pick it up and throw away. I pick up the damn centipede ever so slightly and it already turns into a blueish glob on the tissue paper. Yucks. Lucky i spray my insecticide today.

Okay okay, enough about them. I was really busy at work today. But my colleagues never fail to touch my heart. Just talk about yesterday, i was left with only $2 in my purse and my xe om is too far away to fetch me home. So, i decided to walk home. I really think i know the way even if its damn far. But Hong die die also don't let me walk home, in the end Man (Nghia's gf) walk with me to her house and then send me home after we went to visit her aunt together. And today, Hong treat me to breakfast again! I love her more and more le. Haha.

Went for site visit with the company yesterday. And on the way, saw some pretty interesting things. lol. I saw a gay hugging on a motorbike, it really turns me off. Not that i'm against homosexuality. I guess i wouldn't have such a big reaction if i see girls hugging, it seems sweet even. So does that mean i'm les? I hope not. Hahah. But i really cannot imagine two big guys KISSING! Totally ruins the whole manly image. Oh ya, i saw a realllll horse trotting on the streets too! So cute!!! I swear after i graduate, i'm going to Desaru for holidays. I remember i went there during my primary school days, and i had the chance to ride a horse! It was just unforgettable.

I really plan to do my interim report today you know, but i'm just so tired. Lazy even. Should i save it for sunday? Yes i should. LOL.

I've really let go, my heart is free.

loves;
7:51 PM;

May 5, 2009

Hmm... So much on my mind, where should i start first?

Okay. First of all, I'm so sorry to Maggie and Clara darlings because i'm late today and couldn't catch them online. Maggie promised we could have a webcam session today! But oh well, i went for dinner with dear loan and got home late. SORRYYYY! I'm glad i had a chance to talk to Clara today, because i think we're okay now. I hope she knows how much i care, and i certainly hope nothing changes when i go back, but its inevitable sometimes.

To say the truth, i was really heartbroken when i saw Clara's blog yesterday. Because i didn't expect our friendship to become stale. I remember all the fights we had before, and it just makes me treasure this friendship even more. But i saw her blog today, and i think its back to normal now. Now i know how much it cost per minute to just give me a call for 10min. LOL. Told her its expensive already, but she say it don't matter. And now, she's asking me for money! So "noble" huh!

I'm also very jealous of all my friends in singapore. I just can't help feeling upset when i heard about their outings. I'm happy that they are going on well of course, just feel sorry for myself. Haha. Yes, no doubt i have made some new friends in Vietnam, but the feeling just isn't the same. No matter what, i still miss my friends in singapore. I miss the feeling of chatting on the phone, going to kbox outing, working in BT, walking around singapore and going to restaurants. But still, i try to be positive in every way. I try to hold a smile and tell myself i'm really happy here. Yea, right, I'm soooo gay. LOL. But the feeling of loneliness is still there. And the fear of being forgotten by friends. I'm not a person who would express my love freely in the past, because i don't know how to, i wish my friends know just how much i love them, i wish they know how much i care; likewise for my family. I'm learning though...

My colleagues asked me if i wanted to go to Dalat for holiday with them. They say the previous intern didn't have such a chance to go around with them. I so love my colleagues in Vietnam, i hope it would be the same in singapore. I'll consider though, because they're all going in couple. Hais.

sometimes i'm glad i came to vietnam, because i learned how to let you go

loves;
11:05 PM;

May 4, 2009

HELLOOOOOOOOO DARLINGSSS! I bet you guys miss me like hell! Hahaha. I've been to Dong Nai for holidays during the past four days. So sorry i couldn't post a goodbye on my blog before i go, because everything is so rushed! I remember i just had enough time to check my mail and pack my bag and then went to stay the night with my colleague, didn't even had time to say goodbye to those who care. And silly ming hui still thought i was kidnapped! HAHAH.

On friday, i was off to Dong Nai! I remember i only managed to get around 3hrs of sleep and was on the motorbike early in the morning at 4am to get to get to their aunt's house to ride to Dong Nai. The ride there was so damn colddddd can! The morning wind just blow past me and even at 4am, the traffic here is already similar to the traffic conditions at 6am in singapore! I can't believe people here actually wake up so darn early!!!

Anyway, its quite weird because its like i'm the only stranger going with their WHOLE family. And i'm quite paiseh actually. But their family is all veryyyy veryyyy nice to me. They bring me around even though their hometown has practically nothing much to do at all. But they still bring me to eat their local food. So sad i didn't take the pictures because my handphone ran out of battery. During the1st day of my stay there, i had barbeque pork broken rice at 9am in the morning; had green bean soup at 10am; had lunch at Nghia's house at 12pm; Bun Biao (a local food in Vietnam made of rice) at 4pm; coconut ice cream at 4.30pm (its ice cream in a real coconut shell wth coconut frut!) and dinner at 6pm. I ATE SO MUCH! All made of flour even! I think what i ate for the 1st day is already what i can eat for around 4 days!

On the 2nd day, i went to Nghia's girlfriend, Man's house. Her name is pronounced as the hanyu pinyin Meng2. Her family and her is so hospitable, i feel so welcome there. Their meals were great and the bed is great! LOL. The elders there love me very much because they think i'm such a polite and nice girl! HAHA. See how i can catch the heart of old people, too bad i cannot catch the heart of guys. How sad. Just joking. I experienced their local lifestyle there; helping to pluck mangos from the mango tree using a bamboo pole; and helping to cut the jackfruit and cleaning it. We also had a mini bbq there. In these 2 days, i learnt quite alot of vietnamese. Haha. My colleagues all praise me when i speak SOME vietnamese to them. Ahem, here comes the highlight of my post. I FINALLY RIDE A REAL MOTORBIKE! Actually its only for like 15min. Lol. And my colleague is at the back supporting me so i don't have to worry about balancing myself. Haha. And i reach a decision. I decided that i'll be better off taking public transport in singapore. Motorbike is scary! Yet, i still like to ride on them especially when its fast! So i'll get a boyfriend who can ride motorbike; and a husband who can drive a car! So pro right? HAHA.

At night, i chatted with Man about her relationship with Nghia. She told me alot of her love stories. I didn't know that Nghia is so romantic. And their relationship is so deep it really touches me. I once loved a guy like that too. But i didn't get a happy ending. I'm glad she did, so happy for her. I also gave her some ideas for her wedding in October. I'm sooooo sad that i couldn't attend her weddin because school already started at that time and i'll be back to singapore.

On the 3rd day, i went back to Nghia's house and spend the day with his sister, Tri. We watch "Fated to love you" the whole day. The plot is so touching, its just like any cinderella story. Its every girls' dream, i'm a girl too. Nghia's parents always complain i eat too little. But the truth is i have a weak stomach and i think my stomach has become smaller. Yes, i think so. I only reach the villa in Ho Chi Minh at 12am at night, and by the time i rush through my periodic report, its alrdy 2am. So tired at work today i almost fall asleep.

I have some pictures to share, but i'm so lazy to post them up now. Maybe i'll post it next time.

Today, went to dinner with dear Loan. We talked so much about our love problems and i realise i've actually grown up. In the past, I would choose love over family and friendship. But now, its the other way round, i would choose family over anything. I'm a family girl now. And it makes me glad that i came for this attachment because now then i know how much my family means to me. Loan and me chatted for 3hrs in the coffee shop, had such a nice chat. She kept encouraging me to pursue my happiness. But i guess it'll all be over when i go back to singapore.

JIAYOU ELAINE!

Hmmm.. I was so happy when i reach my villa yesterday night. Know why? Because there is NO ants in my room! And no cockroach! So happy, i kept praying on the ride home that i won't have to clean up the rodents mess because i have no energy for it and i've got a report to rush. I think my prayer is heard. Hahah.

Heard that singapore has already taken action towards the swine fly pandemic. Its good that singapore is taking precautions, because Vietnam hasn't taken any action yet. Hope that my friends and family will all take good care of themselves because i love all of you so much. Take careeeessss!

This is a long post, so thanks for reading til the end.
:)

I saw clara's blog today. Actually just wanna tell her i really do miss her so much. And she should just tag in my shoutbox if she visit my blog. Even if i didn't mention her in my blog, she's in my heart all the time. I miss the happy times we had. Our friendship road had not been an easy one, and i really believe true friendship will prevail. The me now, would choose friends over him anytime. And one of my close friends would be her. The way she say about the distance between us and the fact that its hard to maintain really hurts. Because i never thought about the distance. Isn't it the heart that matters when it comes to any relationship?


loves;
10:17 PM;