okay, just a quick post before i go out later.

guess where i'm heading? i'm going to giman! its a beauty salon la actually, and i'm going thr for a slimming package thingy. but its really a one off thing, i got that voucher because its like really cheap? around $30, its okay la i think. but i'm definately NOT going to spend a few hundreds on that. i already have i yoga which i think is much more efficient for me in the long term. and i really think that one off slimming thing don't have much effect really. ahahha!

oh ya, and to update my feelings on my new job! i feel happy working there FOR NOW. and i certainly hope i'll be happy working there in the future. its quite a challenging job for me, but i'll do my best nevertheless. and i feel so weird, its like i just thought of working tml when i'm like still in the jobless mode. hahaha! i'll get used to it. then i'll be busy every weekends as well. hais. my bank account is so dry now, never before have i been so poor can. zzz.

okay, gonna head out to that giman, yoga, and vivo later! til then, i'll update soon.

oh, just wanted to recommend ESKIMO to everybody! their milk tea is damnnnnnnnn NICEEEEEEE! omg. seriously.

loves;
9:24 AM;

finally found a job today! its recruitment consultant. i really hope i won't run away again because this time i signed a employment contract. die die also must hang on!!!! please, let me persevere ba, don't let me quit. give me a good environment with good colleagues so that i'll be happy working there. guess i'll wear my guan yin pai tml. lols.

i also spent alot of money. my bank account now is like the poorest i have been for my past 20 years, totally cannot believe it. omg.

okokok. please elaine, just do your best, give your best and be friendly. the job is quite challenging and i'm afraid i cannot reach the sales target. companies and clients are hard to find. i'm.... abit demoralised la. but! i will hang on for the sake of money!

so my life from now on is basically work and yoga, work and yoga, work and yoga. lols.

loves;
9:07 PM;

Dear bloggie,

I'm feeling so down now. i'm getting more and more unhappy whenever my parents rush me to find a job. i'm unhappy when its rainy days. unhappy because i'm feeling insecure. unhappy because i haven't yet found my purpose in life. unhappy because i'm not sure what is the thing that i want and desire in this life. unhappy because i don't want to always be the playee in every r/s.

but i'm happy. happy that i've got friends around me who i know will support me. happy that i have yoga to help me pass through my times. happy that i got to know him.

but why are my unhappy things so much more than my happy things?

its never gonna succeed no matter how much i try right?

loves;
12:42 PM;

suddenly i'm scared of so many things.
scared of so many what ifs that could happen.
but if it really doesn't belong to me,
i shouldn't hang on to it right?
or should i try to make it mine?
let it go?

i just want love, warmth, care.
is it really that hard?
don't i deserve a real one after so many hardships gone through?

loves;
1:59 PM;

its a new beginning, and suddenly i hope it would never end.

but somehow, it would in the end.

and oh, I SUPER LOVE YOGA!!! BIKRAM YOGA!

i always learnt new things every lesson, and it left me feeling energised and stretched! a wonderful feeling.

loves;
9:15 PM;

everytime i feel cheated, betrayed, naive and whatsoever feelings; this would be my first ranting ground. not to my friends, not to my closest friends, but here. this is where nobody will judge the things i have done, the choice i have made, the mistakes that i choose to repeat over and over again. this is perfect.

and yet again, i feel cheated. i have commit a mistake that i repeated in the past. but i don't care. is that the correct mental attitude to have? i think its wrong, but i didn't wana care. what is to come is to come, and if it is to go, its right that i should let it go right? so it doesn't matter whether he's the right one, the wrong one, or the cheating one. it doesn't matter!

oh boy, i feel so pathetic for having this kind of extreme naive mentality. maybe its the loneliness thats making a scene. or maybe its just me yearning for some kind of security it makes me wana do something crazy.

anyways, i went to see the outer IR yesterday. its sooooooooo beautiful! still waiting for the opening of the theme park so i can play. and guess what? i'm actually truely really experiencing singapore's nightlife today for the first time in my 20 years! but i know it won't be anywhere near fun, but only uncomfortable and waste of money to get a taxi ride home. lols.

yes, maybe i shouldn't think too much on things that are... not really... realistic.

loves;
7:21 AM;

dedicated to friends who were once very close with me:

i'm very sorry i didn't take the effort to maintain this very special relationship between us, and let all those previous built relationship go down the drain. its not because i didn't want to or because i find you really irritating. its because of who i am. i'm a lazy and pathetic fellow who really won't care whats actually wrong until i think back and tell myself, "how could i have been so ..." and that sort of thing.

thinking back, if i really take the effort and heart to maintain and stay by the side of all my ex-close friends, i think i would have alot of soulmates now. to say the truth, i have lose out alot in my life all this while. sometimes, because of studies or work, i have neglected you all.

its easy to tell myself that i actually prefer being alone and so on, but actually i didn't want to be.

now i know how hard it really is to balance work, family, and friends altogether. but i'll still try my best from now on.

to myself:

i should learn to be stronger instead. i don't believe the strong-ness that i had in the past is really gone with the wind. i had that kind of foundation right? so i shouldn't fall that easily. yea, i need to be strong, focused, and driven! i'll balance all part of my life no matter how hard it is. i'll keep on fighting!

loves;
2:02 PM;

seems like guys really can't be trusted after all.

well, hope i can find a job soon and pay my stupid yoga fees. ouch! thats quite a sum okay.

yoga session was.... not that bad today.
and what else? i'm so tired now, maybe i'll update more tml if i rmb. hahha.

loves;
9:33 PM;

loves;
10:12 AM;

my financial burden is increasing to the level i'm suffocating. and its because of the new membership i signed up for at True Yoga. i'm really planning to find a full time office job and a part time weekend job. but i'm so stress about sacrificing my family time i don't wana do anything at all.

yes, i'm goddammed stress! i practically act on impulse these days. and i totally hate myself for that. i wish i didn't have to grow up at all. i wish i had more time to spend with my family. sometimes, i wish i can die right now.

and the cause of all these financial burdens is because of vanity. i guess mine was abit too serious.

how do i get the strength to carry on when i didn't want to at all?

loves;
12:52 PM;

finally went through my first day of work today. and i think alot about what i really want after that. okay, i admit i'm like a piece of tofu like what jun tee has said. and its the first time i actually really quit after just a one day work. even i find it surprising. but i really cannot bring myself to work there anymore, its a stressful environment for me, too much for me to handle. and i'm really sorry i behave so recklessly and irresponsibly this time.

BUT I REALLY HAVE NO PASSION OR INTEREST IN THAT JOB, and that means i won't stay long either way and i won't do the job well either. my mind is really messed up right now. and i know i'm so gonna be blacklist.

the first thing i have to sort out now is what i really want for my future career. i can be rest assured thats not going to be in the banking and finance industry. maybe tourism and hospitality industry would suits me better. yea...

i'm very happy that my dad support me throughout. and i'm going to find a job that i really like, a job that makes me happy working, a job i can stay through.

loves;
10:16 PM;

okay. maybe i think too much. but i think the company i'm working for starting tml is a scam. i can't find any of their company which they said is under AIA when i googled. omg, i know that sounds pretty silly, but i'm scared! what if i worked for nothing and there's no pay?! i just have a bad feeling for tml. oh my tiannnnnnnnn! argh.

anyway, went to far east plaza today and again, shopping! i think i'm going bankrupt soon. zzz. scarly i really have no pay because of a scam company how?! now think back, really quite possible. and i'm still planning to learn bikram yoga! no money really cannot!

i really hope that company's not going bankrupt or what. coz it seems weird they don't have a proper HR department. now i just feel like scolding the F word can. my life is so messed up.

loves;
9:29 PM;

he's missing from my most visited new tab. guess i could never ever find him again. its good this way, i won't have to pine on anything anymore. glad that his pictures are deleted, his number is deleted and now i won't even see his status anymore.

well... i found out that i'm really a very private oriented person. i don't really like to disclose things about me that i think is too personal or private. such as this kind of love scam. lols. but yea, i'm trying to be more open up to others. and i did it yesterday! its not easy to tell others a story of how you're cheated by a jerk. but shows that i already put that incident down right. hmm, and there are lots of jerks around in this world.

anyway. i went for my virgin trip to MARINA BARRAGE yesterday! its just a very big piece of land with grass. we girls did hell loads of jumpshots can, jump til we so hungry and tired and the pics are all quite unglam i guess. lol! in the end, we went to xin wang hong kong cafe for dinner. i sure hope we would have this kind of fun gathering in the future again, meet up for everyone's birthday and so on. should keep in contact no matter how busy we all are.

now i'm starting to miss ming hui, maggie, jun tee, and that somebody who wants ice cream! HAHAHA! i'm starting work next week though, quite scared la. i don't want to work in a environment where i know NOBODY! but rebecca and cyn is just staying nearby there u see and maggie is working nearby there also!

okay okay, i should be brave. i can do it ba...........

loves;
9:20 AM;

i feel like its been so long since i updated that i forgot i actually have a blog. lol! so lame, its not even one week. hais.

anyway. just to rant. i actually found a job! and guess wad, i'm not really very happy. its a very challenging job for me, tough nut to crack, high cost for my transport. but at least its still considered a HR position.

okay! i'm going to advertise here as well.
I'll be looking for people who wana work as an insurance consultant. the commission is VERY GOOD! so if you all have any friends to recommend, friends who are motivated and loves a challenge, please ask them to contact me. please please please. oh, but they must be 21 yrs old and above though. i'm so desperate for the wrong reasons. should have transfer that motivation into searching for a bf instead. LOL! just kidding laaaaaa.

so sad that my student ezlink card is only able to last for another 1 more month. my transport fee is gonna get so zzz after that. hope i can get into uni la.

didn't know i would actually be stressed over this temp job, what if i'm kena sacked for low performance? goddddddddddddd.......... the only good thing is that MAGGIE IS WORKING NEAR ME! AND MY WORKING PLACE IS QUITE NEAR VIVO! yea, thats abt the only good things for that job.

but i still don't feel like starting work so early :(

loves;
9:12 PM;