this is one of my down down down days.
the day when i feel troubled.
like i want to talk to somebody, but i have no idea what i wana talk about.
the day i feel really out of touch with everybody.
when i really feel bad about everything that happened.
when i feel really paranoid and i think too much of little things.

maybe i should really think for myself in future.
say no to things i don't want to do.
and not be a yes girl anymore.

so who am i?
i still don't really know what kind of person i really am.
deep inside, just what kind of personality do i have?
i'm so confused i'm gonna have split personality soon.
why do i not know what i am.....

loves;
10:33 PM;

am super duper mad over my hotmail! cannot view any mail at all, its all in a mess and i'm very pissed! argh.

okay. i've been so bored these days because somebody has been having fun overseas. i hope he bought soveniers, but not much hope. hahaha!

okay, got so much things to say. but not gonna say it today.

so bye.

loves;
9:34 PM;

finally, i'm gonna have a lil bit of freedom in July! hopefully. even though i'm so gonna miss the peeps there, but we can always hang out for movies or dinner or whatever right? and i can meet my other friends as well. because i really miss them alot.

and then time seem to pass so uber fast nowadays. especially when we started working, when we turn 20s, when we felt like actually we are a grown up now. and then we refer to those 17 years old as xiao didi and xiao meimeis. HAHAHA! but its true, i kinda miss the past when i'm still schooling and meeting my friends everyday, ending class at 4pm and hanging out elsewhere after that. so carefree! but we gotta grow up one way or another right? time is flying by so quickly i feel very old now.

and because time is flying by so quickly, i start to question myself the purpose of being here. is life really just to study, get a degree, start work, get married and have kids, then retire, and then waiting for death? it sounds just like an online game to me! yea, life is that boring. but then i found my purpose just now.

:)

loves;
9:59 PM;

life is really very fragile. what would you do if someday your best friend is gone and not coming back forever. would you regret that there are actually somethings you wanted to tell them but its too late? would you feel that you should have shown more appreciation for them when they are beside you? would you have tell them just how important they matter to you? and yes, i'm one of the bad friends who don't really show my friends how important they actually mean to me. but yes, they are important and change a big part of my life. i'm learning how to cherish because you never know who's going to leave you the next minute in life.

sometimes, i feel that my feelings are very inaccurate. thats why i don't trust my feelings very much nowadays. hahaha! but its okay, things just happen either way. just like i wanted to share good news, but i'm scared that after i share the good news, somehow or other the good news will turn into bad news that kinda thing.

okok, shall end here and watch my animal channel! bye....

loves;
8:56 PM;

this is an affirmation post dedicated to this somebody to taught me the five languages of love.
this somebody who taught me that platonic friendship is a real treasure.
and boy am i glad to be able to meet you in this lifetime.
through time, you have become a brother so close to me that i don't know what i would do if someday you are not here with me.
because i'm so used to telling you everything thats happening to me.
because i'm so used to you knowing what i'm thinking even before i say my thoughts out loud.
because i'm so used to the phone calls when i'm on the bus or mrt.
because you were there at the period when i'm lost and down and don't know what i wanted in life.
because you are such a necessity in my life that i couldn't imagine how my life would be like if i lost you.

and i just wanted to say thank you for everything.
for appearing in my life.
for letting me understand things that i wouldn't know how to apprehend in the past.
for letting me know the power of true friendship.

may this friendship of ours stay strong in the years to come.
and that goes likewise for all my friends.
even if we do not stay in touch that often, you all still occupy a space in my heart, whenever you may be.

:)

loves;
11:30 PM;

sometimes, i really don't get why i'm doing something i don't want to do. and i'm usually very true to myself which is to say that i usually don't do things that i don't like to do! and i dread tml all of a sudden. going as an outsider is really no fun at all. and suddenly i have no mood, not that i'm anti or what, or you can choose to think that way, i don't really care. but.... argh.

okay... its the last time i promise that i'll do this kinda thing. looking forward to everyday because of the fun working environment. and i really hope things will continue this way. but it takes effort to keep everybody together sometimes.

loves;
9:56 PM;