i thought i gave up, turns out its just another phase that i'm going through. or maybe i've been trying to surpress whatever i've been feeling, and now its becoming hard to control because i can feel it exploding.

now every decision i made become so clear, the reason behind it is so clear and yet i've missed it in the past. because of you, i didn't want any other, because deep down i'm still waiting for something so impossible. because i believe in myself, and i always end up letting myself down and sorry.

who else will be there when i'm really at my lowest? don't trust me when i say i'm okay, i'm fine, i'm doing good. because like any other girls, i don't mean it. i'm still a girl after all. if only you would show a lil bit more care, my tears won't keep falling, and i'll not feel as vulnerable. its so hard to be strong sometimes. and i'm ready to collapse, i've been trying so hard. but now i know its no use.

loves;
10:07 PM;

why should i care anyway...........
stupid idiot, so many years and you still don't understand.
or maybe you do and just don't wanna face it.

I DON'T CAREEEEE!

:(

loves;
8:18 PM;

somehow when things go wrong, they just go all the way wrong. i keep thinking something bad would happen now, but i can't point out what. and at this point of time, i really wana talk to somebody, but i duno what i can say. i can't even pinpoint out what is making me so uncomfortable. my heart is uncomfortable. i want to settle some things, but i duno what. and my dun care attitude isn't taking me very far.

to say the truth, i'm quite stress up. maybe its because of work. or maybe because of other things. growing up means u have to face alot of people issues, and i dun think i'm really for that. i'm still quite fragile, i cry over lil things, over stupid things. and i really feel like doing that now. i know nobody can untie this knot except myself. sometimes, i really hate myself.

loves;
7:40 PM;

quite a down day today. but thanks to andrew, i'm feeling much much better now. never knew that a small chat would matters much yea? haha, but thats just what a need. some care, some concern and some talk. and yea, some people around me makes me feel loved. but nothing can be taken for granted, that i know.

i should just lead my own life and carry on walking my own path, and believe that everything will go well in the end. even if it does not go my way, its still a lesson to be learnt in every way.

okay, and maybe next year, i will really go and sing ge tai. hahahhah!
just thought of my twin's name.
guy: clement
girl: heidi

ewwww....
now i really need a break, to go overseas and relax, have fun.........

loves;
10:40 PM;

yes, i'm 20 soon. people always say you have to grow up when you reach a certain age. you can't continue to be so innocent and believe everybody. you have to differenciate the good guys and the bad guys. you have to decide yourself the path you want to go.

i know i'm getting older. i won't say i'm childish. but from my looks and behaviour, people really won't believe that i'm emotionally matured. even though i look kiddy, and i tend to get overexcited like a lil kid, but i'm not. just that i wish everything is simple and humans are actually kind in nature. but sometimes, it gets abit hard for me to see the fake ones and the real ones. why do people have to act?

think i'm starting to lose myself as well. i really wish i don't have to grow up.
am i really that innocent as everyone think i am?

loves;
2:23 PM;